Feliz Navidad!

Holidays in the Caribbean is magnificent--warm, sunny and great parties! Everything was closed over the holidays, so it was a bit hard to get to a computer to update my blog. There was a bug going around, so I've spent the past week making trips to the store for Gatorade, water and crackers. Luckily it skipped me, although I've had some wicked sinus problems lately.

Me, Sophie and Robin at Little Caye

It's hard to describe how or if I've been changing and why I've been so stuck here. I've been nervous to write because to update everyone would be to admit that I've been stuck in the same place for almost two months and that I haven't been bouncing around climbing mountains in Guatemala or surfing in El Salvador. I think that is definitely something that feels different--to just go with the flow and do what I want to do rather than what I ought to do.

I've been having an amazing time and made some amazing friends. It's incredible to be able to sit back and watch someone grow and change with a place all the while you are growing and changing with them. Part of meeting new friends also means adjusting my travel plans. I've been invited to Melbourne to visit Meg sometime next year, and Sweden to be shown around by Caroline and Kenneth, and Toronto to stay with Steve (or his mother, Dawn, who is one of the coolest 60 year old ladies I've had the pleasure to meet)....my options are limitless and the world seems to be getting smaller for me!

Above: The whole gange on Little Caye for Dawn's 60th birthday;

Right: Jon, Caroline, Kenneth and me on the boat to the Cayes

The diving has been great as well. It's interesting to move from diving for your own sake--to see amazing marine life--to diving for other's sake. I officially finished my dive master program two days ago, and it is strange to think this is all over now. My favorite part about all of this is getting to meet customers from all over the world and watch them become divers. At first awkward, nervous, insecure. And then slowly gaining confidence, learning about the marine life and wanting to dive more. It's incredible to be a part of that. It's incredible too (although not surprising), how many people return to the island. There's not even that much to this island. I hope someday I'll begin to understand what it is about this place that sucks people in.

I decided to spend the holidays here and will be leaving for the Dominican Republic on January 2nd. Luckily several customers as well as one of the instructors are all leaving on the same day on the same ferry as me, so I'll have plenty of company for the journey. Two of the customers from Guatemala even offered me a ride to the airport in San Pedro Sula (about a 4 hour drive), so I won't have to be bothered with the bus. I'm going to be leaving here with a heavy heart, I think, and leaving plenty of people that I've grown to care about a lot.

In the mean time, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year all!

Los Cayos

One of the other Dive Masters in Training rented Little Cay for his mom's 60th birthday (she came down to visit) and invited all of us at the shop to join them. We had no clue that it was possible to rent a little bit of heaven for about $200 a night.

First of all, the weather was absolutely beautiful. I was diving in the morning on the Northside of the island doing a deep dive (120 feet) and navigation dives as part of an assist. We decided to look for whale sharks along the way, and by the time our boat was coming back there was an ominous dark cloud following us.

It stopped, though as soon as we hopped in a small green fishing boat and sped off towards the cays. We had an entire island to ourselves. There is a shallow reef that surrounds the entire island that is perfect for snorkling. I spent most of my time sun bathing topless under the hot Caribbean sun or laying underneath palm trees and reading (for fun!). It was the perfect little break from what has been a whirlwind of an adventure so far with my dive master training.

I'm still having a hard time figuring out what I am doing. I need to get a Brazilian visa soon, but I'm worried about getting stuck in some crappy capital city for the holidays since everything will be closed. It will be strange to spend Christmas and the New Year alone, and my friends in Utila keep trying to convince me to stick around for the holidays to spend it with "family." Anyways, I have no plans right now, and am thinking I'm heading to Panama for the holidays since my flight leaves Panama City on January 6th.

There is so much going on that it is hard to know what to write sometimes. I've had some bad things happen, like someone stealing my bike or one of my housemates breaking my iPod and not fessing up. But mostly everything has been great, and it's hard for me to stay upset about things. Folks at the shop keep telling me that they want me to stay and it's good to have me around. I've been told that if I want a job, I can always come back. Maybe I will. Who knows! I feel like I am only just getting started (again).

I'm still here...

So, I realized that I hadn't a) written any new posts and b) called anyone who cares about me in the states in a while (too long according to my dad who e-mailed the dive center asking where the hell his daughter was). It's funny how time seems to just get eaten up here!

After writing my last post I did some hard thinking. Not that I hadn't been stewing over whether or not to leave Utila for the entire week. I was supposed to have left "Monday" the Monday before! I was just thinking about how easy it was to just leave and how that is in my nature. To travel hard and fast and see as much as possible with as many stamps in my passport as possible. Staying to complete my dive master training would mean missing out on another few weeks of travel in Guatemala and El Salvador. It meant having to probably stay in Panama for a while to get my Brazilian visa. It meant changing my intinerary completely for these first few months. I messaged a former Bonderman fellow and explained the problem: I'm stuck. I don't want to leave. I feel happier and freer here than I have anywhere else.

His reply: Go for it. So I did.

I'm well on my way to finishing the dive master training, which requires you to know the physics, physiology, environmental and equipment aspects of diving, as well as performing the 20 core skills they teach you in the open water course to demonstration quality AND completing various other stamina/stress tests. I have no clue why I am doing this or if I have changed, but I feel like I am exactly where I need to be.

It's strange how I have come to love diving over these past few weeks. All your worries--the drama, hangovers, obligations, etc--disappear as soon as you are below the surface. No one can talk to you. All you have to (or I suppose get to) do is chill out and hang with the fishies. It's fun being a dive master in training as well. I've assisted on numerous open water courses and seen a whole range of new divers, many of which started out in the same places as my fellow DMTs and I did. Some are very insecure at first (like me), some are very awkward (like Sophie, one of my Australian friends and housemate), some are more aggressive (like Steve, another housemate from Canada) and some have to learn a sense of their own body (like Robin, another housemate from England). But it's a beautiful thing to get to see all of them emerge being competant divers with an appreciation for the life underwater. You can tell when someone will go on to truly become a diver after a course.

I'm afraid to say that leaving here (especially right before the holidays) will be like leaving home again. I've grown very close to a lot of people on this island, and already have established "haunting" spots. It will be hard to leave next week.

First, I'll have to pass a "snorkel test", though. Which basically means that I put on a mask with a modified snorkel so that BOOZE can be poured into it. I have already seen at least ten of these tests, and none of them have been pretty. So pending my survival of that last task, I will be leaving here soon.

Some of my friends have been taking photos, so I am going to try to get them to send me electronic copies to post here on the site. Perhaps then you will begin to understand why I'm stuck here right now!

With Love,