Feliz Navidad!

Holidays in the Caribbean is magnificent--warm, sunny and great parties! Everything was closed over the holidays, so it was a bit hard to get to a computer to update my blog. There was a bug going around, so I've spent the past week making trips to the store for Gatorade, water and crackers. Luckily it skipped me, although I've had some wicked sinus problems lately.

Me, Sophie and Robin at Little Caye

It's hard to describe how or if I've been changing and why I've been so stuck here. I've been nervous to write because to update everyone would be to admit that I've been stuck in the same place for almost two months and that I haven't been bouncing around climbing mountains in Guatemala or surfing in El Salvador. I think that is definitely something that feels different--to just go with the flow and do what I want to do rather than what I ought to do.

I've been having an amazing time and made some amazing friends. It's incredible to be able to sit back and watch someone grow and change with a place all the while you are growing and changing with them. Part of meeting new friends also means adjusting my travel plans. I've been invited to Melbourne to visit Meg sometime next year, and Sweden to be shown around by Caroline and Kenneth, and Toronto to stay with Steve (or his mother, Dawn, who is one of the coolest 60 year old ladies I've had the pleasure to meet)....my options are limitless and the world seems to be getting smaller for me!

Above: The whole gange on Little Caye for Dawn's 60th birthday;

Right: Jon, Caroline, Kenneth and me on the boat to the Cayes

The diving has been great as well. It's interesting to move from diving for your own sake--to see amazing marine life--to diving for other's sake. I officially finished my dive master program two days ago, and it is strange to think this is all over now. My favorite part about all of this is getting to meet customers from all over the world and watch them become divers. At first awkward, nervous, insecure. And then slowly gaining confidence, learning about the marine life and wanting to dive more. It's incredible to be a part of that. It's incredible too (although not surprising), how many people return to the island. There's not even that much to this island. I hope someday I'll begin to understand what it is about this place that sucks people in.

I decided to spend the holidays here and will be leaving for the Dominican Republic on January 2nd. Luckily several customers as well as one of the instructors are all leaving on the same day on the same ferry as me, so I'll have plenty of company for the journey. Two of the customers from Guatemala even offered me a ride to the airport in San Pedro Sula (about a 4 hour drive), so I won't have to be bothered with the bus. I'm going to be leaving here with a heavy heart, I think, and leaving plenty of people that I've grown to care about a lot.

In the mean time, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year all!

Los Cayos

One of the other Dive Masters in Training rented Little Cay for his mom's 60th birthday (she came down to visit) and invited all of us at the shop to join them. We had no clue that it was possible to rent a little bit of heaven for about $200 a night.

First of all, the weather was absolutely beautiful. I was diving in the morning on the Northside of the island doing a deep dive (120 feet) and navigation dives as part of an assist. We decided to look for whale sharks along the way, and by the time our boat was coming back there was an ominous dark cloud following us.

It stopped, though as soon as we hopped in a small green fishing boat and sped off towards the cays. We had an entire island to ourselves. There is a shallow reef that surrounds the entire island that is perfect for snorkling. I spent most of my time sun bathing topless under the hot Caribbean sun or laying underneath palm trees and reading (for fun!). It was the perfect little break from what has been a whirlwind of an adventure so far with my dive master training.

I'm still having a hard time figuring out what I am doing. I need to get a Brazilian visa soon, but I'm worried about getting stuck in some crappy capital city for the holidays since everything will be closed. It will be strange to spend Christmas and the New Year alone, and my friends in Utila keep trying to convince me to stick around for the holidays to spend it with "family." Anyways, I have no plans right now, and am thinking I'm heading to Panama for the holidays since my flight leaves Panama City on January 6th.

There is so much going on that it is hard to know what to write sometimes. I've had some bad things happen, like someone stealing my bike or one of my housemates breaking my iPod and not fessing up. But mostly everything has been great, and it's hard for me to stay upset about things. Folks at the shop keep telling me that they want me to stay and it's good to have me around. I've been told that if I want a job, I can always come back. Maybe I will. Who knows! I feel like I am only just getting started (again).

I'm still here...

So, I realized that I hadn't a) written any new posts and b) called anyone who cares about me in the states in a while (too long according to my dad who e-mailed the dive center asking where the hell his daughter was). It's funny how time seems to just get eaten up here!

After writing my last post I did some hard thinking. Not that I hadn't been stewing over whether or not to leave Utila for the entire week. I was supposed to have left "Monday" the Monday before! I was just thinking about how easy it was to just leave and how that is in my nature. To travel hard and fast and see as much as possible with as many stamps in my passport as possible. Staying to complete my dive master training would mean missing out on another few weeks of travel in Guatemala and El Salvador. It meant having to probably stay in Panama for a while to get my Brazilian visa. It meant changing my intinerary completely for these first few months. I messaged a former Bonderman fellow and explained the problem: I'm stuck. I don't want to leave. I feel happier and freer here than I have anywhere else.

His reply: Go for it. So I did.

I'm well on my way to finishing the dive master training, which requires you to know the physics, physiology, environmental and equipment aspects of diving, as well as performing the 20 core skills they teach you in the open water course to demonstration quality AND completing various other stamina/stress tests. I have no clue why I am doing this or if I have changed, but I feel like I am exactly where I need to be.

It's strange how I have come to love diving over these past few weeks. All your worries--the drama, hangovers, obligations, etc--disappear as soon as you are below the surface. No one can talk to you. All you have to (or I suppose get to) do is chill out and hang with the fishies. It's fun being a dive master in training as well. I've assisted on numerous open water courses and seen a whole range of new divers, many of which started out in the same places as my fellow DMTs and I did. Some are very insecure at first (like me), some are very awkward (like Sophie, one of my Australian friends and housemate), some are more aggressive (like Steve, another housemate from Canada) and some have to learn a sense of their own body (like Robin, another housemate from England). But it's a beautiful thing to get to see all of them emerge being competant divers with an appreciation for the life underwater. You can tell when someone will go on to truly become a diver after a course.

I'm afraid to say that leaving here (especially right before the holidays) will be like leaving home again. I've grown very close to a lot of people on this island, and already have established "haunting" spots. It will be hard to leave next week.

First, I'll have to pass a "snorkel test", though. Which basically means that I put on a mask with a modified snorkel so that BOOZE can be poured into it. I have already seen at least ten of these tests, and none of them have been pretty. So pending my survival of that last task, I will be leaving here soon.

Some of my friends have been taking photos, so I am going to try to get them to send me electronic copies to post here on the site. Perhaps then you will begin to understand why I'm stuck here right now!

With Love,

Uncertainty

So, I just completed my rescue diver course today. I am now able to provide aid to panicked and responsive divers both above and below the water. It's strange because I feel so much more comfortable diving now that I know what to do if something goes wrong. The training was so fun too! We had instructors and dive masters having all sorts of diving accidents all over the shop and during dives. The best was when two instructors and a dive master jumped off the boat as we pulled into the bay. Three of us had to jump in and save the panicked divers (although mine tried to swim away from me!) while the boat turned around.

I've been meeting tons of new friends as well. Sophie and Meg from Australia, Robin from the UK, and Steve from Canada comprise the core group of folks I've become acquainted with, most of whom I've been diving with these past few days. There's also a whole slew of folks from the shop: Derrick from Holland, Martin from Norway, Jon from Wales....It's harder to meet locals because there is confusing sense of "local" here. The island was settled by white European immigrants as well as some Caribes and mainland spanish-speaking folks. So the local language is some sort of Caribbean/English/Spanish mix that is often times too thick for me to understand. There is a "locals" community that I am hoping to find. Supposedly there is only one entrance/exit, and there is nothing to see there (according to folks around the main strip). I still want to go, though, and see for myself.

I'm myself around here. I don't feel pressured or worried or stressed (except that I want to stay to do my dive master training--another three weeks--and I am worried that my doing so will somehow violate the conditions of this grant). I've never travelled this way. I've always tried to keep moving and see everything in as short amount of time as possible--everything scheduled and on a strict time constraint. But I haven't felt compelled to do that at all, and I feel so relaxed and happy right now.

Best of all, I feel challenged. I never thought that I would begin to understand how the ocean works and how massively wonderful and beautiful it is. I also never imagined myself staying here for more than a few days. I only intended to do my open water training, but have now completed my advanced and rescue diving. I haven't even been gone that long, and I already am doing things I never thought I was capable of or interested in.

Pending a response from my advisors for the Bonderman, I may be staying a bit longer around this area to do my dive master training. Otherwise, I guess I'll just move on (reluctantly!).

Besos!

Island Fever!

The weather has been spectacular lately. It still is rainy occasionally, but for the most part it has been hot hot hot and sunny. I've had only one day where I didn't dive since I've been on Utila and I spent it relaxing all day in a hammock reading and then kayaking through the mangroves with a friend from another dive center. There were herons, iguanas and crabs everywhere.

Basically, the island is starting to get under my skin. Jeff, the crazy Texan guy, was telling me about a kayak trip from the lower lagoon up a canal that bisects the island to the north side where you have the entire beach to yourself. I also have some more bike adventures to take care of before I leave...if I leave.

It's strange that this is only my first stop, and it was so easy to start growing roots here. I'm thinking that I need to just pick a day and say that I leave that day no matter what. That was already supposed to have happened after I finished by basic open water course, but now I am already well on my way in the advanced course and having difficulties trying to convince myself to leave. Its just refreshing to be relaxed and meet good people and DIVE! I'm having a hard time figuring out what to do, because I don't want to leave yet (or maybe ever), but I've only just started my travels. I've seriously thought about just giving back all the money and just staying here.

My new course is fun and teaching me a lot about diving. You learn a bunch of new skills, like wreck diving or deep diving (about 40 meters/120 feet down!). Today we'll be practicing underwater navigation and floating upsidedown (really we are just learning new skills to remain perfectly buoyant and not hit things).

The best dive so far was the night dive last night, though. We went around 6pm, so it was already completely dark. You have to just step out into the black water and try to stay close to the boat while everyone gets in the water (which is difficult to do with waves breaking over your head!). And then you drop down. We all had flashlights, so it's not actually that dark, and I saw some incredible creatures: a small blue octopus, a spotted lobster, shrimp. One guy even saw a barracuda. At the end you sit on the sand in the middle of the reef and cover your flashlight so it is dark. When you wave your hands little glowing specks appear everywhere like stars. I think the night dive has been my favorite so far.

It's hot in this internet cafe and too nice outside to be indoors.

Besos!

SCUBA Jen

When I first moved into my room at Alton's Dive shop, my only roommate was a giant bright green grasshopper. She was a good roommate. Don't know her name because I don't speak grasshopper. Anways, she was replaced by a human roommate yesterday--Michelle from somewhere--who is great too. Not so lonely in my room now.

Not so lonely on the island now in general. The first day was pretty lonely. All the other students were already friends and never around, so I was left chatting with a bunch of the master divers in training. This actually ended up being a great thing since John from Wales and Derrick from Holland are both good fun and happy to hang out and just chit chat. There's also a snack shack on the dock ran by this crazy guy from Texas who is good to hang with as well. He just talks about making food all the time, which I don't mind seeing as most everything I've eaten includes beans (not strawberry rhubarb pie, which Jeffrey, the Texan described how to make in detail the other day). I haven't really felt lonely since that first day, and am actually thinking it will be hard to move on again since there are such characters around!

Yesterday was my first real dive. I had some trouble the first day of diving where we just practiced breathing in shallow water. I started to panic a bit and we ended up taking a 15 min break before getting back in. When we did it was clearer (the first time underwater I couldn't even see my instructor 2 feet in front of me!) and pretty amazing. The first real dive was incredible. We went down to 12m and explored the beautiful coral reef that just seems to go on forever. There is too much life down there to even begin to try describe. Just imagine bright purple lacey sponges, or long white and brown spotted fish that scrunch up when they feel threatened. Best of all, it was so noisy! You could actually hear all the creatures snip-snappy crackety-cracking. It was great!

When we came back to surface, though, not so great. It was cold, and rainy AND windy--which means WAVY! As soon as I reached the surface I started feeling queasy (probably doesn't help that I had swallowed some sea water!). On the boat for our 30 min rest it was even worse. My instructor started explaining our next dive, and I started puking overboard. For the rest of our break I was throwing up. Finally, my instructor had me get back into the water and gear up before puking a little more and then going down for our second dive. The second dive was just as great as the first, and we even saw a sea turtle right before we came up!

I'm almost a certified open water diver now, and I'm hoping it will stay clear today for my dives this afternoon. I think I'll rent a bike this morning and explore the island before heading out, though. Besos!

La lluvia La lluvia

It is not the sunny season in Honduras. In fact, it has rained a good portion of every day that I've been here.

I ended up staying an extra day in San Pedro Sula after meeting a Dutch guy headed toward Utila, the cheaper of the Bay Islands at the Hostel Tamarindo. San Pedro Sula pretty much sucks as far as being a gringa goes. The only *safe* things for us to do was go to the mega shopping mall (where we saw Evan Almighty in english), see the parque central (only during the daytime so as to avoid the sketchy folk), see the archaeological museum (mostly just the ceramic history of the Sula Valley) and go the artesan market Guamalito. It was strange because no one really noticed us or heckled us anywhere we went. Taxis were the same all over the city and we never really had to deal with folks trying to swindle us. Overall, it was rather boring in the city and expensive--I ended up spending about $35 USD in just that one day.

Anyways, I am now in Utila and just chose a dive school to get my open water certification. I spent all day, which was okay because it was beautiful and sunny, going to different dive shops with a British guy I met on the ferry over, and they all sound the same: a bunch of gringos hanging out and living like hippies (Its funny because this area reminds me a little of San Pedro, Guatemala near Lake Atitlan. Give it a few more years and pump some more Euros and US Dollars into the economy and I'm sure it will have the thriving euro-hippie drug community.) The ferry comes in from La Ceiba on the North Coast of Honduras twice a day, and with each boatload is generally a good chunk of tourists (although this is the *low* season as far as tourism goes). My ferry ride across was pretty gnarly, though. It looked like a boat that would just be chugging along, but our Captain drove it more like a speedboat across the Caribbean. Kinda like a roller coaster with all the choppy swells. Kinda made me want to throw up too.

Now, it is raining. Again. Actually more like pouring. I was reading a local paper that said about a week ago Utila had record rainfall--about 12 inches in 5 hours. Yikes! I thought I was leaving the wet weather in Seattle! Its not so bad though, and the few hours of sunshine this morning were a good reminder of why this is close to paradise. I'm looking forward to taking dive classes from this old British guy at my dive school who's been diving for about 20 years and teaching about 7 (don't worry DAD--I did my homework!). I'm sure I'll have loads more to tell you all then!

Besos!


P.S. the knot in my stomach has now been replaced by a slow rumble...hurray for traveling!

And so it begins...

I´ve officially only been gone for less than a day, but already it feels like forever! I didn´t anticipate having so much anxiety and heartache over leaving. Before I left, I browsed former and current Bonderman fellows´ blogs to see what they had to say about leaving, but most of the blogs were just filled with curious travel tales and pictures of folks smiling and having a good time.

But as one former Bonderman put it "I wished they had stopped me at immigration." I know that soon I will be glad that I was allowed to leave the country. It´s just scary!

Let me tell you though, it is not sunny here! My flight was diverted from Tegucigalpa to San Pedro Sula because of bad weather, and San Pedro just seems muggy and grey. I plan to leave IMMEDIATELY and head toward the North Coast. Mostly because there doesn´t really seem to be all that much to do in San Pedro, becuase my Spanish is child-like at best (and needed in San Pedro) and because I am la unica in the hostel I am at right now...

Anyways, I´m sure I will have stories to tell soon, and most likely will find any chance I have to access internet to keep my travel tales updates (as a distraction until the knot in my stomach goes away!). Ciao all!